Do I hear wedding Belles?
Accuse Albert Belle of being hot-tempered. Accuse him of being a lunatic who probably isn't fit for society based on his history of violence. Even accuse him of cheating during his playing days with corked bats and "alleged" steroid use.
But one thing you CANNOT accuse Albert Belle of is not having a romantic side when it comes to the LADIES!! In his latest Prince Charming exploit, Belle "tracked his ex-girlfriend with a GPS tracking device and repeatedly threatened her...and has been charged with stalking," according to the Associated Press.
Now if you are man reading this, you are probably cursing Belle for making the rest of us look bad. If you are a woman, you are probably blushing and hoping against hope that your husband/boyfriend would engage in such timeless acts of chivalry.
In all seriousness, I have just one thing to say to the unnamed woman who fell victim to Belle's stalking. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT, HE'S ALBERT FREAKING BELLE!!
I mean who was her next choice for boyfriend, the Unabomber? I realize there is always an element of risk when entering a relationship, but when the guy is a public figure who spent the majority of his career disproving even the staunchest of believers in his sanity, how did you think this would end up?
Here's the funny twist to the story. When the AP attempted to extract a comment form the volatile Belle, he responded with, "You didn't write a story about my Hall of Fame induction. You guys never report the good stuff I do."
Mm hmm. Um psst, Albert. Uh you didn't make the Hall of Fame bro. I really hate to be the one to break that to you.
And about the "good stuff I do" that hasn't been reported, I distinctly remember hearing about an incident on Halloween when he tried to run down kids in his SUV after they peppered his house with eggs, oh wait that wasn't good.
Well what about the time he pelted a fan in the chest with a ball he threw from the playing field, wait that wasn't good either.
So what good stuff have you done Albert? Oh thats right, we don't know because it was never reported!
Da dum CHING!
But one thing you CANNOT accuse Albert Belle of is not having a romantic side when it comes to the LADIES!! In his latest Prince Charming exploit, Belle "tracked his ex-girlfriend with a GPS tracking device and repeatedly threatened her...and has been charged with stalking," according to the Associated Press.
Now if you are man reading this, you are probably cursing Belle for making the rest of us look bad. If you are a woman, you are probably blushing and hoping against hope that your husband/boyfriend would engage in such timeless acts of chivalry.
In all seriousness, I have just one thing to say to the unnamed woman who fell victim to Belle's stalking. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT, HE'S ALBERT FREAKING BELLE!!
I mean who was her next choice for boyfriend, the Unabomber? I realize there is always an element of risk when entering a relationship, but when the guy is a public figure who spent the majority of his career disproving even the staunchest of believers in his sanity, how did you think this would end up?
Here's the funny twist to the story. When the AP attempted to extract a comment form the volatile Belle, he responded with, "You didn't write a story about my Hall of Fame induction. You guys never report the good stuff I do."
Mm hmm. Um psst, Albert. Uh you didn't make the Hall of Fame bro. I really hate to be the one to break that to you.
And about the "good stuff I do" that hasn't been reported, I distinctly remember hearing about an incident on Halloween when he tried to run down kids in his SUV after they peppered his house with eggs, oh wait that wasn't good.
Well what about the time he pelted a fan in the chest with a ball he threw from the playing field, wait that wasn't good either.
So what good stuff have you done Albert? Oh thats right, we don't know because it was never reported!
Da dum CHING!
posted by Jon Sladek at 4:07 PM
1 Comments:
BAHAHAHA this is classic. While a Balmer fan through and through, Belle boy certainly has made a name for himself throughout the years. Great article.
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