been a while..

First let me apologize to all those who check this blog regularly. I know it has been an obscene amount of time since I last posted, but I have a legitmate reason - you have to believe me!

Anyways, I couldn't settle on one topic today, so I'm just going to post what has been on my mind recently regarding our beloved sports teams.

1. Every day I check the Indians active roster and every day I see Danny Graves name still on it. Whats it going to take? This guy is as washed up as any washed up player I have ever seen. Years from now I predict when any local athlete starts to lose it, we are going to say "Geez this guy looks like Danny Graves in '06"

2. I can't remember the last time I changed my mind about a team as quickly as the Cavs this week. After game one, I was calling friends making crazy statements like, "If Rasheed Wallace goes down early next series, you never know!" Now, I'm expecting them to drop two heartbreakers in Washington and come back to Cleveland playing for pride. Win game five for the fans and lose the series in six.

3. I don't care how many touchy feely stories they do on Gilbert Arenas, I still hate the guy.

4. I was screaming for the Indians to try Jason Davis at closer for so long, that now when he comes out of the 'pen for one of his innings where he sends all three batters down in about 8 pitches, I don't even bring it up anymore. Once again, a Cleveland team has beaten me into submission. Lets just keep rooting for the shaky fat guy approaching 40 who's had 4 arm surgeries, to close games.

5. Is anyone else expecting Haloti Ngata to still be available at pick 11 in the NFL draft tomorrow, giving the Browns a false sense of security, right before the Rams snatch him up sending the Cleveland war room into a frenzy? Finally, they will panic and take sure-bust Broderick Bunkley from Florida State, who may as well be named Dan Footman Jr.

6. Does Ramon Vasquez even take batting practice? He has got to be the least feared hitter in Major League baseball. I wish I could get a camera view of the outfield when he's batting just to make sure the outfielders from the other team aren't sitting down. Its almost like every time the team takes BP, Vasquez produces a doctor's excuse for Wedgie, only the skipper doesn't realize the date on the excuse has been erased and written over about 15 times to keep it current.

7. The other day, I was watching ESPNBonds' Sportscenter, and they actually showed 4 minutes of consecutive highlights that did not include Barry Bonds! Why doesn't ESPN just go all the way with it and relocate headquarters from Bristol, Conn. to the basement of Pac Bell Park in San Francisco?

Summer blockbuster movie trailer

Dolan Pictures presents, the movie event of the summer...

A group of men, sitting on metal folding chairs, hiding behind a wall, holds a city hostage. (cue ominous music).

They terrorized a quiet town by sabotaging one baseball game after another, each more gruesome than the last!! ("we're going with the righty" Nooooooooooooooo!).

baseball fans in the quiet town of Cleveland never knew what hit them.

(cue sound of bats hitting baseballs) AAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Danny Graves is chilling as Scott Stewart.

and introducing Fernando Cabrera in a demented portrayal of Jose Jimenez.

starring in: BULLPEN FROM HELL: THE SEQUEL
"this time, its personal!"

Joel Seigel says, "I was at the edge of my seat the whole time, and fought the urge to vomit"

Robert Ebert claims, "hooray for the Dolan team, this picture makes the Texas Chainsaw Massacre seem pretty"

Eric Wedge in his most powerful masterpiece yet.

(climax scary music)
dum dum DUM DUM DUM!!

BULLPEN FROM HELL: THE SEQUEL!!!!!

.....and another quality start goes to waste..

coming soon to a ballpark near you. this film is not yet rated and not recommended for any fans that appreciate good pitching or have any afiliation with the Cleveland Indians organization.

Positive Spin

I received some feedback lately that perhaps I’ve been a little too pessimistic regarding our hometown teams. Personally, I don’t see how ZERO championships, juxtaposed with The Drive, The Fumble, eh you know the list, leaves any room for optimism, but I decided to give it the old Cuyahoga Community College try!

So here it is, reasons why it’s great to be a Cleveland Sports fan!

1. Memorabilia savings: Do you have any idea how much fans from Boston have had to spend on officially licensed Championship gear the last half-decade? ANY idea at all?! I got a little taste of this after the Buckeyes won the National Championship; yeah, I got a little silly, but I’m here to tell you, that stuff is not cheap. But that is not of our concern as Clevelanders. No, our teams provide us with an economical escape from the pricey world of Super Bowl, World Series and Finals Championship retail, not too mention those “too good to pass up” Sports Illustrated offers.

2. Stress Free sporting events: Can you imagine how different a Super Bowl party would be were the Browns actually involved? I would be a nervous wreck! Unable to sit down at any time during the game I probably wouldn’t even sleep the night before. And heaven forbid they lose, or worse yet, get blown out. After all these years, I’m pretty sure I would be inconsolable for a few hours (weeks). But fortunately, we are CLEVELANDERS. We are able to watch the prime time championship sporting events with the carelessness of a young puppy frolicking through a grassy field. We can act like females, MOST of them anyway, and root for the team with the “prettiest uniforms” or “heartfelt subplot.”

3. Travel with the team: The Cavs are no longer included in this category, since the LeBron phenomenon materialized. But it still works with the Tribe and Browns. Want to see the Browns from primo seats? Travel to Ford Field in Detroit when the Browns are in town, they won’t draw I guarantee it. I once watched an entire Indians/Devil Rays 3-game series at Tropicana Field in Tampa, and easily bought each ticket the day of the game and pretty much had my choice of seating. From the Tampa fans I talked to, it wasn’t the case when the Yankees or Red Sox came to town.

4. Finally, I'm going to refer to my good buddy Butch Davis:
(while reading this, visualize Butch's accent narrating)
You know, we got groups of amazing young men on our teams playing their guts out each and every game in hopes of reaching the ultimate goal of where we wanna be. You may look at a 40-point loss to the Steelers as just a 40-point loss, but I look at all the positive strides we made during the ballgame. For one, nobody died. Two, our uniforms didn't get too dirty, thus saving a good piece of change on dry cleaning. Plus, if you take from the 3 minute mark of the third quarter, to the 13 minute mark of the fourth quarter, we played 'em dead even!
Sure its been over 40 years since a championship, but if we can just get each of our teams to continue along the 39-year plan, none of us will be waiting another 40.....I truly believe that.

Guarded Optimism

You won't believe this one.

After countless hours of research and sleepless nights, I have found evidence that the MLB World Series Trophy has NEVER once been awarded in April. In fact, it has never been awarded in May, June, July, August or September either!

You would not think that based on the reaction, or should I say overreaction to the Tribe's 4-1 start to the 2006 campaign.

Ok, they took a series from the mighty White Sox. Ok, they beat the Twins twice. Can any respectable Indians fan possibly get excited about this start after what we witnessed in 2002? For those with selective memories, the Indians started 11-1 that year, including a four-game sweep of the Twins, who would go on to win the division. That 11-1 start that had us all so excited, was followed by a 63-87 finish, that wasn't nearly as exciting.

All I am saying today is be careful Tribe fans. This team has a history of heartbreak like no other. We all knew going in this team is not as strong, top to bottom as last year's, which failed to make the playoffs. At this point we still have no reason to expect a better result at seasons end.

Big Sour Apple

The New York Knicks are a terrible basketball team. Assembled by the incompetent Isiah Thomas, not even Larry Brown has been able to quell the disaster taking place at Madison Square Garden. Coach Brown was quoted recently saying damning things about the troubles he's had motivated Knicks players to even wipe their own asses, let alone play help defense.

Yes the Knicks can't do anything right anymore, settling into the role as league doormat with a putrid 20-54 record.

Amidst all the wreckage however, the Knicks have one small distinction this bleak season. They have dominated the Cavs.

The Cavs came into Wednesday's game with the Knicks riding a 9-game winning streak and playing their best basketball of the season. And for the second time this season in as many tries, the Knicks left the court as victors. The Knicks have won 20 games in over five months of basketball, yet they are 2-0 against the Cavs.

What is it about that team the Cavs can't handle? You can make the excuse about Ilgauskas being out, but countless teams have handled the sorry Knicks with centers much less adequate than big Z, and they did not have a LeBron James on the floor. The Knicks can barely run an offensive play these days without their collective egos crashing into each other, yet when they play Cleveland, the ghosts of Willis Reed and Walt "Clyde" Frazier emerge.

All I can say is the disturbing trend must end. The Cavs play one more game with the Knicks, I'm not sure I can handle 0-3 against a team that is thinking more about ping pong balls than basketballs at this point.

Opening Night

Just a few observations from the Indians/White Sox opener.

• The White Sox went 14-5 against the Tribe last year en route to winning the World Series. Last night they opened the season with a 10-4 whoopin' on the Indians. I think we are officially their female dogs.
• Before its all said and done, I'm pretty sure C.C. Sabathia will go down as one of the most overrated Cleveland sports figures of all time.
• There are 25 guys on the Indians roster, manager Eric Wedge and the rest of the coaching staff and an assortment of clubhouse attendants, trainers and team assistants. And you mean to tell me not ONE PERSON has the stones to tell Danny Graves the truth about his hair? Not even a subtle, "how's it going Danielle?"
• All over the Indians message boards you find nothing but homers vehemently claiming, "Its just one game!!" Excuse me, but how many games did the Tribe miss the playoffs by last year? They all count folks, especially when you put up an effort like that in the season opener.
• And just so nobody accuses me of hastily jumping off the bandwagon, see my archived post entitled, "Fantasyland" where I ripped a foolish sportswriter who ranked the Indians 3rd in the power poll. I didn't have a good feeling about this Indians team 3 months ago and I don't have a good feeling about them now.
• Finally, a non-baseball observation. I'm so glad the NCAA basketball tournament is finally over. It seems like the only thing I've heard the last few weeks were middle-aged commentators saying, "blah blah blah, Big Baby. Blah blah blah, Big Baby. Big Baby, blah blah blah." Has there ever been a more overused nickname in sports? And they can stop with all this Charles Barkley talk. That guy does not have half the athletic ability of Barkley. If you want a more accurate comparison, see Robert "Tractor" Traylor. "Blah blah blah, Tractor Traylor."

Who IS this guy?!

I have found on several occasions this season, I have told somebody, "That may be LeBron's best game ever, the game that really took him to another level."

Well after making that statement about five times, it starts to lose its luster.

What LeBron did today against the Miami Heat had to be seen to be believed. There was one sequence late in the game, James drove to the lane, kicked a pass out to a wide open Donyell Marshall in the corner. Predictably, Marshall clanked the shot off the rim, then LeBron heroically and inexplicably pulled down the rebound amidst four Heat players, and all in one motion, fired a pass back to Marshall, who had wisely cut to the basket for an easy put in.

It was a play that brought me off my couch, screaming into my cell phone without regard to the person on the other end. You just couldn't help it. This kid does things I have never seen in a Cavalier game, at least from a Cavs player. Things that make me jump up and cheer the way the Price, Daugherty, Nance combo used to. The difference is, this time the "Jordan" was on OUR side.

Don't get me wrong, Dwyane Wade was fantastic as well. But without Shaq's big body under the hoop knocking people around, even Wade's Heat looked inferior to LeBron's Cavs, clicking on all cyllinders.

James' final stat line: 47 points, 12 boards, 10 assists. What other player routinely fills up the stat sheet that way?

I don't know where this incredible journey LeBron James is taking us on will ultimately end up, but I can tell you this, I'm enjoying the ride.